Presently the Black female communities have received a great amount of media attention on a subject that apparently has shocked cultures and the question has been asked “Why are 70% of Black American women single?” The numbers are very high and society has even been wondering if the Black community even values the commitment of marriage. Noted on the Washington Post, CNN, ABC news and even on Oprah stating that these numbers are drastic. We have a few reasons for why Black women are single. Some proclaim to be single and loving it, but the reality is Black Women all secretly want companionship. Every woman eventually wants to be with someone to love it is our nature to yearn for those feelings, but as some people say it is easier to focus on other things. While doing my research I used my own experiences as well as interviewed quite a few single Black ladies to receive the answer to this highly focused situation.The number one reason our culture is single would be because we are taught as young girls that we do not need anyone but ourselves. That we should focus mainly on education and personal survival throughout. We are never taught love, honor, trust, and companionship and our parents are not usually a good example because most of our beautiful Black women are raising children on their own. Young ladies see how their father is not around and that he is not on a companionship level and that automatically instills in us what we think life and love is really none existent. When we decide to date we are known to be more mature earlier in life, than men and want to fall in love quickly than most men so we usually end with a broken heart proving in our eyes that if we do not want to continue to experience that pain we should stay single. This gives us an independent, strong personality saying that “all black women are scorned”, which is true and we have a hard time with our emotions, but we have to learn to leave are past baggage at the door if we ever want to be happy in a relationship. Trust can be difficult for many women because of what we endured from boys who were not taught how to be a man but should men suffer because of the boys in our previous lives experiences and actions. Life should be exciting fun and shared with someone so we have to learn when to let go and love.
Black women have another reason being single and it is for our high status and I feel sorry for the women in this category. We have a massive amount of women wanting that “status” meaning they want a man with a title. Women deceive, exploit, and degrade themselves to have a piece of this title. Women in these categories will date a man who is in a relationship and even married just to feel she could have a piece of that person whether it is a financial piece or just the thought that she may have that person one day. I asked a few women who lived this lifestyle and they said that “all men are dogs and that they all cheat and women that settle down are foolish” I was also told that women can have a man who take care of her financially with no strings, and that is true to a degree accept when it comes to giving her body away to a man who only looks at her physically and has no interest in her other than that. These women may be right that there are men that do cheat; however men can be sexual with a woman and grow no feelings for that person, but women are naturally emotional women so no matter how hard she tries to make these reasons sound logical and continue to chase that “status” they are setting themselves to be alone gaining a dependency that is not mutual.
Our women should be very knowledgeable of our standards. I am not saying to date just anyone that ask for your number, but some Black women have a long list of ridiculous requirements and if a man falls a hair short he is kicked to the curb. I personally have had high standards in the past from height, weight, tone, teeth, smile, stride, and, of course the way he dresses. I would not date a man shorter than six feet. Looking back it is foolish because there are so many qualities we miss out on. We have to remind ourselves we should want companionship not a super model. Clearly another thing that I did not address but is a high expectancy when concerning Black women standards, we have to stop requiring him to have a high paying job. I believe that as long as a man has a plan to excel and he is taking the steps to work on it we should look at that as a big thing. Black women either openly or secretly idolize “Barack and Michelle Obama,” but what most women do not know is that Michelle was the provider for most of their marriage; however he had a plan and she stood by him. Their marriage has been built on communication, trust, companionship, loyalty, and, of course love and more of us should consider that if we want a stable relationship with a future that could lead to marriage.
In life we always take chances and make choices and, we are required to live our lives as we please. Black women want certain things that our Black society does not take seriously and I do hope that one day we will learn to love, live, and hope for companionship. We need to have more examples of companionship and honor between two people. Our future should be rocking in our chair telling our grandchildren how we made it all these years together, not being alone showing no family stability. We have to change our course of action to prevent this and we have to all look at ourselves as women instead of pointing the finger at our past or our perception on what men generally are today. Life has more to it than independence and financial stability so us as women need to avoid holding back on our real “Prince
Charming.”
